Ghar

Tags

Hindi, Home, Life, Poetry

Main ab ghar jaane se darta hoon
Kyunki agar main ghar chalagaya toh main shayad se iss ghar mein wapas nahi aa paunga.
Main uss ghar mein kho jaunga jo pehle kabhi mera hua karta tha
Aur ab jo maine payaa hai woh main nahi khona chahta hoon.
Main uske saath jeena chahta hoon
Puri tarha se
Ekant mein
Uss gati mein jo kabhi thambta nahi
Uss suraj mein jo dhallta nahi
Uss kashti mein jo kinare kabhi rukta nahi

Main ab jeena chahta hoon

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They Keep Talking

Tags

Poetry

My neighbours are always talking.
They talk about themselves, their friends and other neighbours.
The milk man
The sweeper
The cats who scouled last night
The vacant space where the leaves fell
The motorist who waited for hours for someone they didn’t know
The shopkeeper who sold old goods
The shopkeeper who sold new goods
The shop owner and his wife
His wife and her dog
The pavement that needs repairs
The laundry that needs drying
The children that need everything
The neighbours they are always talking
They are talking

Zest

Tags

Death, Life, Poetry, Zest

If death had it in it to make us weak
If death had it in it to make us creek
Then life would not ever encourage
Life would never be filled with zestfulness
For in death there is no zest
Zest is the act of waking up with your eyes closed to complete a task that you could do while dying.

Damages

Tags

Hurt, Love, Pain, Separation, Sorrow

I fell down the stairs

I got run over by the train

I was crushed by the waves

I crumbled under the avalanche

I was demolished by your thoughts

I was reduced to ash

One drag at a time

Until there was nothing left

And then I lit another one.

The Sky

Tags

Art, Poetry

Burn me like the Sun, so that I can paint you like the sky.

The Gallery

Tags

Heartbreak., Love, Pain, Poetry

There is a constant change occurring within.
It didn’t take a long time to realize that.
Everything I’m trying to do or say changes to thoughts about you.
Every fucking thing.
My subconscious consumes my mind in seconds.
The minutest second after I wake up.
It’s like that song stuck in your head.
Just that I don’t want the song to be playing out of tune.
It creates a gallery, exhibiting paintings and photographs of you.
All I can do then is dwell in thoughts about you but this time only by myself.
Cause I am slowly disappearing from those photographs.
I am somehow forgotten to be painted.

A Need

Tags

Love, Poetry

There is a need to create poetry out of you. There is a need to find the gold within you.
There is a need for origami to be perfected.
Through the words that you breathe.

Flutter

A bullet to the head is like the first flutter of that bird that has long not flown.

Every flutter is a part within you, that is being set free until the bird isn’t in sight.

I have contemplated many such flutters.

I have wished many such flights.

Storm

There’s a storm in me. There’s a storm within me. It grows an unfathomable magnitude.

The storm is love. The storm is my love for you.

Image

Your innocence flusters me.
Your postures embezzles me.
Your eyes drown me.
But your voice saves me.

Broken

Broken roofs opened my eyes.
I saw the scaffolds of your body.
Seeping through the squares of your heart
was the light that cleared my soul.

Story

I made up this story that had a bit of me and a lot of you. In it you laughed and sang and hummed many tunes. You walked and ran and strolled on the sea shore. You danced and jumped and all the world belonged to you. And when it was time to go to bed, you found my hand and held it tight and rested your head upon my lap and closed your eyes to sweet serenity.

This

I no longer remember you for I can’t create your image in my mind anymore.

I no longer feel your soft skin, and your scent is fainting away forever.

I no longer love you and I wonder how you feel about this.

Moment

Oh! How they stutter back and forth, the eyes though yet still.

A poised wait for another glimpse, and ending with tender goodbyes.

Truth

A poem begins every time I think of you.

The Night

For this restlessness isn’t my enemy. It keeps me company in my many hours of sleepless nights.
This fear isn’t a foe and gets me thinking about the times I am with you no more.
The night will come again, bringing with it its many shades. The music fills in more silence and dawn isn’t the escape.
I’m drowning. Let me.

Living

When what we listen is just what we want to hear. When all that we see is only what we’ve been shown. When believing is analysing what makes us happy. And death is only a realization that you aren’t breathing.

Death and Me.

I’m dying…

and Death seems to be only friend who’ll walk with me home.

A child no more

I feel like telling you to go to sleep early. That you’ve had a long and tiring day. I feel like putting you to bed. But I realize that you’ve now grown up.

That the little girl who I hugged tight when she cried can now wipe her own tears. The pride in me is immense and the joy I feel is boundless. 

Though I wonder if a child ever grows up to be a child no more? To the mother who always remains her mother. For whom a child is more a part of her than her own beating heart.

That is how I feel today.

I feel like I love you like a mother.

Silent Missing’

Like a kiss on the cheeks with wet lips,
Parched summers contrasting trees on the sidewalk.
Wires hanging in plenty filling the space in the empty sky.
Ten feet riding on spokes with pedals fit for two.

Haunted sweet children laughing with void in thoughts,
Black umbrellas and hats standing close with bowed heads.
Crossed legs in caramel light listening to strings and glasses high,
Overcoat drenched with wine takes following of four paws.

Dripping drops of blood echoing far beyond the bustle,
Fray sounding whispers in corridors speak a different tongue.
Palms sliding over golden fields swaying to the gentle feet.
Bellman taking time to guide a thousand or more home.

Like painted smiles on the faces of hollow puppets,

We, silently missing everything in that playful smile.

 

My thoughts about you.

Seems like yesterday that i met you, had a nice chat over your favourite drink.Laughed through some of the time and then just sat thinking of what the other one says in the remaining one. But it wasn’t yesterday and it wasn’t anytime that such a thing happened. Your image though still is as fresh in my mind as the smell of the first rains. I see you smile and see you cry and see you sad and all the more happy.

Everyday you come across as if you own every moment of that time in my life and every moment of that day remains my highest point till the night is over. I can hear you clear like ripples in the middle of the open sea and i talk to you like a blind man to his stick. I talk about us and then you laugh at me. I dream about you and have my sweetest dreams, wish they never had to go away. If i were a singer i hope to sing to you tonight those dreams. If i were an artist i wish to paint you with the colors from my eyes .

Everyday I walk through the roads of uncertainity, knowing not if ever we……. But always hopefull. Someday i’ll stand in front of you hoping to laugh over this together,when you’ll know its me, but till then this is all i have to give you. My thoughts about you. I love you. I love you

Unconditional…

In that soft whisper of words, which freeze that smile of contentment.

Giving hope in her dying breaths, that strengthen you for a lifetime.

When in your palms rests a sleeping world and heaven in sight.

When every ounce of your body is breaking, hurting, knowing that you’ll never hold that hand again, against all, you let go.

In a tree that is cut, but in bleeding silence grows again to let you live another day.

…love this is.

But beyond all that I’ve ever felt.

Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes.

It was another one of those sleepless nights. Thought i’d call you up, But I didn’t. You probably know that cause you didn’t get my call.

I sat up thinking about you endlessly until I dozed off and woke up with a stiff neck in the morning. And all those thoughts came back to me.

Everything that I want to tell you. All the time that I’d want to spend with you, besides you.

And everyday that I live without telling you what I feel, I lose another day that I could be with you.

Tell you that I love you. That I really love you.

And nobody knows like me.

Serendipity.

It was on that morning that I saw her,

and time froze for me.

I felt no sound in my ears.

no one but her I could see.

and I knew it was her.

I asked myself…

If there is anyone more beautiful than her on this earth?

and yet she doesn’t know that she is.

And not know that she is the one they all write about.

All the songs, words, poetry and colors of the world for her praise.

And I came to find my peace.

I found my passion in her.

I found in her my inspiration.

And I know I love her.

Ode to ‘Unbounded’.

I wandered far, a mile too more.
In search of bliss and serenity.
And all but that I found…. to know,
It resides in my heart for eternity.

See You In Heaven.

I think about you everyday, a lot off late.
there is no doubt that i miss you,
but it seems a little different now.

You remind me of all those precious memories.

I washed your favorite cup in which you loved to drink the tea i made.
those curtains that you picked for our home still look beautiful.
the books that you never let me touch.
No they haven’t got any dog ears as yet.

I’ve been taking care of them.

But I thought i’d burn them all, and so I could forget you.

When I got back, I accidently tore the shirt that you brought me,
and then I remembered the bed sheets that we put on the floor to sleep on.
The house that we built together.

I couldn’t get rid of all these things,
I couldn’t try and forget you even if I wanted to.
But I want to.

Cause it’s I who every morning wakes up to not find you sleeping next to me.
To see your sunshine smile when you open the curtains to the morning sun.
I can’t make that tea no more,
doesn’t taste the same without you.

I have to live with the pain of you gone,
and I can’t,
anymore

So I finally decided it was time.
I couldn’t live without you a second more.

And so I’m going ahead with it.

I’m coming to see you in heaven.

And I know that you’re waiting for me.

In Ascending Order.

..and the next moment i’m down on the floor,
screaming.

Not wanting anyone I know.
Up in a rented attic I lay.

Hearing frantic knocks on my door.

Someday I might find the ‘good’ in this bye.

Someday i’ll try and the reason I never cried.
When ‘why? Would matter no more,

and all your glimpses will be dead.

Randomly leading strides,

with my itching bald head.
Trying to figure out where my body doesn’t hurt of its fighting last night.

All the saints may fail to rescue me.

All my ghosts will make way,
for my soul to find its peace.

In a battle it long lost before.

The Confession.

He did still love her,

not knowing if this would be his last chance to say it,
so he said it all.

He wanted to be on the side of truth today, fearless.

Her beauty was not his reason to love.
He just never knew anyone like her, and she was truly like none other.

She did see an inner joy in him increasing by the second which he couldn’t describe
Like a new day began everytime he saw her.

She never did see herself in that way.
and he always admired her for it.

It really didn’t matter what happened after today,
cause he never loved her for her to love him back.
He loved her because the very thought of her made him happy.

Knowing her only made him believe.

You

I distinctly remember that moment when I saw you.

That innocence in your laughter…

amongst many who sat there you were carefully carved out.

And then a little embarrassingly you smiled when you saw me notice.

Your smile was acknowledgement for days to come.

Until it became more than just a smile.

I could never forget that day,

and i’d never want to.

Safe Place.

Oh how I long for my place again,
my own safe place.
Where none but I could walk free.
See the pain and blood drain.

I built its walls of mansion amidst broken toys.
Where the windows always opened bright in my ever changing seasons.
Where the rain washed my dry and dusty feet,
where I lay for my peaceful slumber sleep.

Sometimes underneath the closed staircase,
where light peeped only through holes from its damp wooden walls.
Or up in an attic where I was close enough to touch the sky.
Or in the trees with a thousand little friends on every yellow leaf.

Where my closed eyes would take me,
where nothing could ever harm me.

If You Stay.

A memory slice keeps playing in my head,
endlessly stating it’s inaudible existence.
There’s a heartbeat missing with endings disappearing.
As I wake, the light sparkles my mind believing, that you would stay.

If you stay, we’ll walk up that mountain
watering the trees you planted on the way.
We’ll sing to the tune of the morning robin
and catch the butterflies in the garden game.

If you stay,
We’ll be the dry leaves flying with the wind today.

War is over, Only to begin within.

How did I stand these atrocities?
No pain I feel when I feel pain,
hallelujah hallelujah echoing,
the dust in the air is on fire,
is it time yet? Shrieking the wrinkled,
what do i search?
It’s all been sucked down never to rise,

Clothed with blood, redemption lies on this barren ground

Unknown.

…Everyday you come across as if you own every moment of that time in my life and every moment of that day remains my highest point till the night is over. I can hear you clear like ripples in the middle of the open sea and I talk to you like a blind man to his stick.

The Jelly Fish.

There once lived a girl who created colour.
Her heart was made of glass which gave birth to all the colours she imagined.
She lived on a shore in a tree house,
her favourite tree.
She coloured it herself.

She coloured everything that she loved and almost everything was colourful.
A day she walked the shore and spotted a jelly fish. It was colourless like the sea.
She thought of all the colours she could give.
She asked as to which colour it would like to take.

The jelly fish asked her colours for the sea and said that it needed a colourful home.
And so for she loved the sea so much that she opened her heart and washed of all her colours.
That day onwards,
the sea reflected every colour it saw.

 

The Pianist.

Won’t you play a little for me? I need to hear the echoing seldom tune.
She had never asked him before with such longing desire.
And so he sat down at once at the piano.
He played somewhat slowly, to make it comprehensible especially to strangers,
He strummed it out in blatant march time.
He didn’t play all the tunes, but the one he knew the best.
He played his beloved masters song.
So slowly that the roused longnig of his listener yearned for the next note.
Which he held back and yielded reluctantly.
He then felt rising within him a song which reached past the end of this song, seeking another end which he could not find.
And when it ended, it shattered the silence around him.
‘I’m no good’ he said to her gazing with tears in his eyes.

The Hermit is Dead.

The box of chocolates is now empty,
The mice though in the corridor are cold,
The air is getting still by the second
The prelude of the night is shivering and bold.
The doors and windows are all closed
The leaves in the lawn make not a sound
The matchsticks are taken out, the candles are ready to burn till the dawn.
The picture on the wall is covered with dust
A minute more till the clock besides strikes again
With scratching sound the broken record comes to rest.
The Owls cry the Hermit is dead
The feathers of all who fly soon come by
The flowing river sings its farewell tune
The night now misses his story telling friend.
The wax has melted down to the cobblestone
No one to clean it anymore
The scriptures fear the unturned page
He lies dead, smiling, waiting to be free from his bodily cage.

Ballerina

I am one with the wind
the music is in my feet
i draw the strokes on the wooden floor
i dance to your every heart beat
i dance to the ticking time
each new stride longing for for your pain,
to me this i all that i live for
this is what runs through my veins,
i’ll dance till the end of the day,
i’ll dance to the butterfly way
i’ll dance till i’m six feet under
i’ll dance till my feet bleed away.
My body might not last forever
my heart will perish one day
my soul though will still always dance
a Ballerina forever i’ll stay.